Pour Adrien Pasquali

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images.jpegOn l'oublie trop souvent : écrire est difficile, incertain, périlleux, angoissant — surtout en Suisse romande où tout conspire à étouffer les voix qui pourraient être singulières. Les exemples ne manquent pas d'écrivains étranglés par le silence ou l'indifférence. Adrien Pasquali était de ceux-là. Il y a dix ans, le 23 mars 1999, à Paris, il a décidé de se donner la mort, et d'abandonner les siens. Jérôme Meizoz, qui l'a bien connu, lui adresse, dix ans plus tard, de belles lettres, qu'on peut lire ici.
Au fil des livres, Adrien Pasquali (né en 1958) semblait approcher de plus en plus un secret qui le brûlait, secret rattaché à l'enfance, au déracinement et à l'apprentissage d'une langue qui aura toujours été étrangère. Secret, encore, d'un silence qui était comme le berceau (ou l'origine) de la passion d'écrire.
Déjà La Matta, roman publié chez Zoé en 1993, tentait à sa manière de circonscrire une blessure liée à l'émergence de la folie, à la mort, à l'enfance — ou peut-être à la mort de l'enfance. Ce roman bref et intense avait le charme de ces journées d'été qui laissent sur la peau (et dans les yeux) des marques vives qui accompagnent longtemps le promeneur.
Ces promesses, Pasquali les tient dans Le pain de silence* jusqu'aux limites de la parole. Même interrogation de l'enfance, des mots échangés (et surtout retenus), de cette loi du secret qui régne si cruellement dans certaines familles et tue dans l'œuf tout rêve de communication. Même écriture musicale, aussi, qui sonne juste et bien dans sa répétition obsessionnelle des mêmes motifs. Même louvoiement inquiet entre récit et roman en quête d'une forme qui concilie enfin (ou réconcilie) l'écriture et la présence au monde.
Constitué de deux immenses phrases, « deux amples coulées sans point ni paragraphe », le livre d'Adrien Pasquali avance comme le derviche de Voltaire, en cercles concentriques : il revient sans cesse sur ses pas comme s'il cherchait dans le passé des points d'appui pour accrocher ses mots, creuser la trace qui mène à la lumière (ou à la délivrance) du point final. Dans ce récit haletant, sans cesse entravé par des images mortifères (le père muet, la mère sacrifiée aux travaux domestiques), on avance avec angoisse vers la fin, longuement différée, où le silence, comme la glace, menace à chaque pas. L'ironie veut que ce silence, dont il essaie par tous les moyens de se libérer comme d'une gangue funeste, Pasquali ait choisi de le rejoindre pour toujours.

* Adrien Pasquali, Le pain de silence, éditions Zoé, 1999.

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